I’m still grappling with potentially being autistic and hesitant to say it, if I’m honest. I sought a dx last year after listening to the internal experiences of other autistic women, reading research articles, and taking countless tests online that pointed to the possibility (AQ, CAT-Q, RAADS, RMET, RBQ-2A, etc). Though I met criteria, the result of the testing was inconclusive due to (late-diagnosed) ADHD + complex trauma, and they recommended a more comprehensive psych, and connection with other autistic adults. I’m a mental health professional & hesitant to self-diagnose (though I think it’s completely valid for others…hmmm) & don’t have capacity to do a comprehensive psych at this time.
l’m interested in your topic on BIPOC folks, as I think that played a role in the results. How Latines mask specifically is different, and we don’t have much representation in the autistic community (that I know of yet at least).
I’ve always known I was different. My inner world has been rich since I was in kindergarten (that’s as far back as I remember), and I didn’t notice other kids being like me. I experienced selective mutism with anyone outside my household in elem (only recently put words to this), and my sister always spoke for me. I shadowed her until she moved out. I never quite fit in at school or with my family. Very few friends. Challenged fundamentalist religion in middle school. Never felt super feminine. I could go on…
Thank you for opening the door for this topic in what feels like a safe space. The lack of research and representation is frustrating. I’m still in a phase of learning though, and that part offers hope and joy.
Oh Erika, I'm sorry to hear about your experience ... I can imagine that for a potential .... sounds like likely! Autistic person get an "inclusive" (aka uncertain) answer after going through all of that would be so very difficult 🥺
And yes! I actually have several thoughts on this (Latines), some of my hardest assessments I did where with Latina woman, and I really had to spend extra time understanding their subjective experience. Things like telenovelas becoming special interests, for example, had such a big impact on narrative style, masking strategies, and how emotion gets expressed through storytelling.
And then the cultural conversation around autism is often so shame filled (I loved how in this week's conversation Kali talks about moral disability theory and how in many cultural contexts this would be seen as a punishment from God).
I have a colleague who I was supporting her in setting up culturally sensitive autism assessments for the migrant community in Oregon, (she is a Latina therapist), and she was bringing such rich questions into our consults. I'm actually hoping to do a conversation more specifically around Latinx and autism in the near future.
So yes ... given the co-occurring conditions, and the intensity of your masking I'm not surprised this was the experience you had. And I definitely get the mixed feelings around self-diagnosis while being a therapist, I hope over time you can embrace the self-trust that you empower others to embrace. 💚
* When did you first start to wonder if you might be Autistic? Was there a specific moment, a slow build, or something in between?
Around a few years ago, but before I could even imagine myself being autistic, I had a lot of ableism to conquer of there’s no way you can be autistic and the stereotypical autism you see portrayed. So it was a slow build, I remember a podcast I was listening to talking about a parent starting to wonder about their daughter being autistic and asked the child, what if you were autistic, and they responded with in such a beautiful way, i can’t remember the exact phrasing but it was like I’ll still be me, and we will just know more about me. Still took a bit after that before I could go I think I’m autistic too. Then CVS came and my adhd counterpart confirmed I was not just ADHD in my head, because even tho we were alike in some ways. We were very different and also multiple comments about my ‘tism kicking in. It was actually a really fun job with that crew.
* How did gender expectations shape your early masking or self-perception? Were there moments you sensed you were "different" but didn't have language for it?
Kinda but kinda not at the same time, I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t the tomboy, the loud active and chatterbox with a speech impediment. I feel like I always knew I was different, if there wasn’t neighborhood kids then I probably wouldn’t have friends, because I always remember tagging along with my sister to her friend’s house. Not that I knew why, but I also liked hanging out and talking with adults. Often I wouldn’t play with the kids but talk to the adults even at school I liked talking to the teachers. Usually got comments about when I would become more girlish, and more what I was supposed to be and not the person that I was currently being. Thats when it hit, but I could never quite perfect the image, everyone always sensed a difference about me as well.
Yes! Same for me ... the stereotypes were so strong in my mind that it made me just outright discount it.
Also ... the story you just told ... I think that was me! My daughter said that when we went on a walk to discuss it ... and I've shared that a few places :)
I was thinking it might have been you talking about your daughter but I wasn't 100 percent sure and your daughter is very smart. Her words were very powerful.
I’m still grappling with potentially being autistic and hesitant to say it, if I’m honest. I sought a dx last year after listening to the internal experiences of other autistic women, reading research articles, and taking countless tests online that pointed to the possibility (AQ, CAT-Q, RAADS, RMET, RBQ-2A, etc). Though I met criteria, the result of the testing was inconclusive due to (late-diagnosed) ADHD + complex trauma, and they recommended a more comprehensive psych, and connection with other autistic adults. I’m a mental health professional & hesitant to self-diagnose (though I think it’s completely valid for others…hmmm) & don’t have capacity to do a comprehensive psych at this time.
l’m interested in your topic on BIPOC folks, as I think that played a role in the results. How Latines mask specifically is different, and we don’t have much representation in the autistic community (that I know of yet at least).
I’ve always known I was different. My inner world has been rich since I was in kindergarten (that’s as far back as I remember), and I didn’t notice other kids being like me. I experienced selective mutism with anyone outside my household in elem (only recently put words to this), and my sister always spoke for me. I shadowed her until she moved out. I never quite fit in at school or with my family. Very few friends. Challenged fundamentalist religion in middle school. Never felt super feminine. I could go on…
Thank you for opening the door for this topic in what feels like a safe space. The lack of research and representation is frustrating. I’m still in a phase of learning though, and that part offers hope and joy.
Oh Erika, I'm sorry to hear about your experience ... I can imagine that for a potential .... sounds like likely! Autistic person get an "inclusive" (aka uncertain) answer after going through all of that would be so very difficult 🥺
And yes! I actually have several thoughts on this (Latines), some of my hardest assessments I did where with Latina woman, and I really had to spend extra time understanding their subjective experience. Things like telenovelas becoming special interests, for example, had such a big impact on narrative style, masking strategies, and how emotion gets expressed through storytelling.
And then the cultural conversation around autism is often so shame filled (I loved how in this week's conversation Kali talks about moral disability theory and how in many cultural contexts this would be seen as a punishment from God).
I have a colleague who I was supporting her in setting up culturally sensitive autism assessments for the migrant community in Oregon, (she is a Latina therapist), and she was bringing such rich questions into our consults. I'm actually hoping to do a conversation more specifically around Latinx and autism in the near future.
So yes ... given the co-occurring conditions, and the intensity of your masking I'm not surprised this was the experience you had. And I definitely get the mixed feelings around self-diagnosis while being a therapist, I hope over time you can embrace the self-trust that you empower others to embrace. 💚
Thank you for your supportive words. I would absolutely love to hear a conversation centering Latinx folks & autism. Looking forward to it.
* When did you first start to wonder if you might be Autistic? Was there a specific moment, a slow build, or something in between?
Around a few years ago, but before I could even imagine myself being autistic, I had a lot of ableism to conquer of there’s no way you can be autistic and the stereotypical autism you see portrayed. So it was a slow build, I remember a podcast I was listening to talking about a parent starting to wonder about their daughter being autistic and asked the child, what if you were autistic, and they responded with in such a beautiful way, i can’t remember the exact phrasing but it was like I’ll still be me, and we will just know more about me. Still took a bit after that before I could go I think I’m autistic too. Then CVS came and my adhd counterpart confirmed I was not just ADHD in my head, because even tho we were alike in some ways. We were very different and also multiple comments about my ‘tism kicking in. It was actually a really fun job with that crew.
* How did gender expectations shape your early masking or self-perception? Were there moments you sensed you were "different" but didn't have language for it?
Kinda but kinda not at the same time, I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t the tomboy, the loud active and chatterbox with a speech impediment. I feel like I always knew I was different, if there wasn’t neighborhood kids then I probably wouldn’t have friends, because I always remember tagging along with my sister to her friend’s house. Not that I knew why, but I also liked hanging out and talking with adults. Often I wouldn’t play with the kids but talk to the adults even at school I liked talking to the teachers. Usually got comments about when I would become more girlish, and more what I was supposed to be and not the person that I was currently being. Thats when it hit, but I could never quite perfect the image, everyone always sensed a difference about me as well.
Yes! Same for me ... the stereotypes were so strong in my mind that it made me just outright discount it.
Also ... the story you just told ... I think that was me! My daughter said that when we went on a walk to discuss it ... and I've shared that a few places :)
I was thinking it might have been you talking about your daughter but I wasn't 100 percent sure and your daughter is very smart. Her words were very powerful.